Ordinary Zen

Over the course of this practice, my Zen has gone through several changes, mutations, and transformations... to arrive, more or less, back at the beginning.. but very different than it was at the outset of this practice.

Zen on the cushion, without Zen in day to day, ordinary, mundane life is utterly useless.

It is only when we take our 'cushion-Zen' or 'Zabuton-Zen' and bring it into our ordinary day to day living that it matures and grows and becomes 'life' rather then 'zen'.

It is the dissolving of the boundary... the removal of subject/object that realizes the practice and brings it to life.

We have a pure experience.. hungry.. tired... happy.. pain.. cold.. what have you... it is alive, and real... but, right on the tail of that, we have a thought about the experience... we 'think' about it in a stream of words.... and in so doing, tear the universe in two.

Remove the words... and what do you have?

There are no boundaries... and a bird does not leave a trail when it flies from one tree to another.

The 'I' that I consider when contemplating myself is no more than a story that I have concocted using words... it is what I have convinced myself to believe...

But... at the end of the day... it is only a stream of words.

Remove the words.. and what is left?

EVERYTHING!

Obstacle or Impetus?

Often, life will provide us with unexpected twists and turns in our journey. We may feel that they are undeserved, or unwelcome, or, in some cases, more than we are capable of contending with.

When some situation or circumstance is imposed upon us in this fashion, we must decide how we will respond.

Lamenting our bad fortune or indulging in self-pity may be an honest human reaction, however, when one considers that it seldom improves our circumstances, and more often than not only serves to alienate others who may otherwise be part of our support group or community, or to declare our 'victimhood' and thus, our powerlessness, it is my thought that this is a wasteful use of mental, spiritual and physical energy and generally only increases the level of suffering that we already are contending with.

So. What am I referring to, and what can one do with such circumstances?

I am referring specifically to a personal obstacle that I am confronting; I have been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and Hypertension (high blood pressure), and my doctor advised me that I must lose weight. I cannot say that he is wrong, I am 6' tall, and weighed 271 lbs on 30 March 2011, which was the day that I saw him to receive medical clearance to undergo surgery to have a ventral hernia repaired. As I write this post, I weigh approximately 243 lbs, and steadily losing (though I am at a 'set-point' just now, and will strive to maintain this weight for a few months before focusing on losing another 10% increment of my body weight - otherwise my body, striving to retain its homeostasis will do whatever it may, including to breakdown muscle-mass in order to creep the body weight back to what it perceives to be a 'set-point'. I will outline some of the other steps I have taken to address this situation in as mindful and conscious a method as I am capable of.)

In a general sense, however, the 'obstacle' might be anything that is unexpected, and which forces us to change our approach to living. As humans, we tend to fear and resist change, or at the least to view impending change, particularly that which is forced or imposed upon us, as negative. It may or may not be... but, no matter the case, until we fully accept the situation, we will not be capable of moving on with our lives in a positive manner.

I think that at this point, many people will be thinking 'accept?! How can I accept *this*?!! It is UN-acceptable!!" -- so, in order to offer some clarity as to my meaning, I offer this; When I say accept, I do not mean 'embrace' or 'like' or 'enjoy'. I mean, well.. 'accept'. What I am saying is that a fact is a fact. It is information, and does not inherently have any degree of judgement attached to it. Any circumstance or situation may be good or bad depending upon who or what is viewing it... and their subjective circumstances. If we are faced with a health problem, we must accept that this situation is a fact, we may find it painful, but.. a fact is a fact. Once we have learned to open our hearts to the reality of the circumstances.... there is nothing that prevents us from determining how we might either bring about positive change, if that is an option.. or tinkering and tweaking our response to the situation in order to arrive at the most positive approach available to us. Being overweight, or having been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure, for instance, offers a number of positive responses; Improved diet, healthy and active exercise/lifestyle, improved self-awareness and self-responsibility, etc. The simple truth is that while Type 2 diabetes and hypertension may be leading causes of stroke, heart disease, amputations, blindness, kidney failure and a host of other health issues and complications... MANAGED diabetes and hypertension are the leading cause of . . . ** NOTHING **.

I suppose that the main theme of this post, if there must be one, is self-responsibility. To accept the reality of our current situation and state of being, status, or what have you... to remain firmly grounded in the truth, with both feet planted solidly... and to directly face whatever we are called upon to confront without flinching, rationalizing, deflecting or avoiding is not an easy thing to do.

There are no guarantees in life, however.. and whatever happens to us is part of our story. No one is coming to rescue us. No one can fix our problems. We must do it. Or, conversely.. we will be forced to accept the consequences of our failure to do so.

In my case, I have come to realize that I have a choice; I can make time to eat right, exercise properly, improve and maintain my health and vitality...

Or;

I will have to make time for disease, blindness, amputations, pain, and likely an untimely death.

I choose life.

While it is true that diabetes is a crappy job with no days off and lousy pay... where one is forced to play the 'human pin cushion' each and every day... it is also true that if this is one's situation, it must be faced.. or not.

What you choose or do not choose has ramifications. Not choosing to do something is the EXACT same thing as choosing NOT to do something.. albeit in a mushy, indistinct, sleep-walking fashion.

Living 'mindfully' or 'consciously' means just that.. being 'awake' and 'conscious' and 'mindful' of each and every moment and fraction of a moment that comprises one's life.

I suggest that it is vitally important, if one has chosen to life in this fashion to strive diligently for more self-direction, personal responsibility, self-management, and a greater capacity for innovation. The benefits of this are an ability to exercise independent judgment, to open frontiers of the limitless possibilities which will then face us no matter in which direction we happen to look, fearlessness, and, consequently, a higher degree of self-autonomy. It is empowering indeed to realize that we are capable of cultivating our own resources, and to truly take responsibility for our own choices, actions and values. Learning to trust in ourselves, and to rely upon our own capabilities, judgment, discernment, and self-reliance confers a belief in ourselves that is based in truth and reality. This, in turn, instills confidence in our ability to think, learn and skillfully react to whatever life may place in our path.

There are no guarantees. I have said this in the past, and I will reiterate it.. over and over. The moment we truly accept and believe this to be true.. that we are humans; and that it is our nature to become sick, to grow old, and die... but that in this moment, there are infinite possibilities available to us to live fully and completely in this breath-moment.. and that in this moment.. the only moment that we will ever have access to; the entire cosmos exists. Our lives are inextricably intertwined and interwoven not only with one another's lives, but with everything. There is no subject/object. There is only *this*.

I have done my utmost to respond to the circumstances that I am facing; by doing whatever I can do.. whenever I can do it.. it isn't a sprint. Its a marathon, and I am in it fully for the long-haul. The surgery repaired an injury that prevented me from being able to do very much in the way of physical activity.. and happily, that obstacle has been removed from my path. The rest is entirely up to me.

I am walking every day, under the sun.. or the rain, depending upon the day. I am training diligently in the gym a few times per week. I am eating more mindfully, sleeping better, and feeling better. My blood pressure and glucose levels are fantastic, and I am getting stronger by the day.

The diabetes and blood pressure is not, as it turns out, my obstacle.. my *mind* and my *attitude* were the obstacle. Change is often thought to happen over a long, slow period of time... but change happens in an instant! Just like that! -- The implementation of that change.. and the measurable results might take a bit of time... but, that seems to be both the good news, and the bad news.

The bad news is that change takes time to produce measurable results.

The good news is that change takes time to produce measurable results.

The truth is that change will occur, and we can try to hide from it .. or we can respond to it, with skill and with the best effort that we can bring to bear, both consciously, and with mindfulness.

Whether change is an obstacle, or whether it provides us with a positive impetus to bring about the best possible circumstances attainable to us is entirely according to our state of mind.


In peace & brotherhood.

Bu-Gohn Unsui

_/|\_

A Meditation ...

Suppose that your life will never be any different than it is in this breath-Moment?

Suppose that you have exactly 24 hours left to live, and there is nothing that can be done to change it?

The clock is ticking...

What then?


_/|\_


"This is the way of those who are skilled and peaceful, who seek the good and follow the path:

May they be able and upright, straightforward, of gentle speech and not proud.
May they be content and easy wherever they are.
May they be unburdened, with their senses calm.
May they be wise and not arrogant.
May they live without desire for the possessions of others.
May they do no harm to any living being.

May all beings be happy.
May they live in safety and joy.
All living beings, whether weak or strong, old or young, man or woman, smart or foolish, healthy or disabled, seen or unseen, near or distant, born or to be born, may they all be happy.

Let no one deceive or despise another being, whatever their status.
Let no one by anger or hatred wish harm to another.

As parents watch over their children, willing to risk their own lives to protect them, so with a boundless heart may we cherish every living being, bathing the entire world with unobstructed and unconditional loving-kindness.

Standing or walking, sitting or lying down, in each moment may we remain mindful of this heart and this way of living that is the best in all the world."

Being Ordinary

Zen is not about being special in any way. It is about being ordinary. Going somewhat further than that, it is about reducing the self to nothingness.. if you are 'anything' you will suffer, but if one can dissolve one's self completely, another more basic, truer self will fill the void.

This true self is sometimes called one's 'Buddha Nature' or Buddha-Dhatu. This intrinsic, immortal potential for enlightenment is a natural human legacy that we all share.. indeed, all sentient beings share this, and it is this 'Buddha Nature' that we recognize and love in one another.

In my own personal practice, I have been striving to slowly cut and chip away at everything and anything that is even slightly extraneous, with mixed success. It is an effort to bring my zen more into my everyday, ordinary, mundane life. One might think of it as 'Zen off of the cushion'.

During this last year of practice, I detected in myself a tendency to act and practice from a standpoint of one who would be subsequently writing a post to describe my experiences and insight... which had the counter-productive result in my experiences and insights turning out to be somewhat false and less than spontaneous. In effect, I began to subconsciously 'nudge' my practice in the direction of a more interesting and thought-provoking blog post. And so, the ego creeps in, as it is continuously wont to do, and before one realizes, the prisoners are running the prison, and the blog is creating the life that the blogger will write about. I therefore decided to simply set the blog aside and to focus on my 'daily life zen' living as much as I was able in an honest, straightforward, mindful and spontaneous fashion. A life without pretense, lived directly, with as few 'plys' of notional thinking, opinion etc.

I am beginning to feel the need to further simplify my lifestyle, both in my daily activities and by way of purging material belongings that I do not honestly have any need for.

Oddly, each time I do this, I come to learn that my needs are much less than I had believed the previous time I have done this. So, I am very skillful at deceiving myself through multiple iterations, it would seem.

My practice, much like breathing, seems to follow a curving path of increased and decreased tension or sustained effort. I don't analyze this, I simply accept it as being what it is. In this final year of Ferocious Effort, I will likely bring much of the more traditional trappings and formalities of Zen practice back into my daily practice. The experiment with 'Zen as daily life' (i.e., eating, sleeping, working zen) was a success. I do not need the formalities.. but, I find that the formal 'envelope' is a convenient method of ordering the day, and of effortlessly focusing the energies of my practice.

I feel that I may now resume posting, at least until I catch myself altering my practice to suit a blog post.

On a more personal note, I have gotten comments and some complaints from family and friends making reference to my reclusiveness. I am not sure how best to address this. I am a renunciant and contemplative. I reside and practice in a hermitage, and I find that this solitude is very helpful to my practice. It is not, however, indicative of any lack of care or love on my part toward others. What is difficult for many people to accept about monasticism is, I believe, the monastics desire to remain detached and the monk's intrinsic quest for the 'Great Silence'. I have come to believe that if lay people *did* understand this, they would be monks. However, this would not be good for anybody. The world cannot consist of monks. I also think that those of us who do have a calling for a contemplative lifestyle are, in essence, somewhat peculiar. It is this peculiarity that drives us to find answers to questions that most people do not pose, and also to seek a lifestyle that best fits our intrinsic nature. It is neither bad nor good. It simply is. So, I suppose I must answer that I am living precisely as I am living... and that I am what I am. My practice continues, and I am grateful that anyone would hold enough care and love for me in their hearts that my absence would drive them to broach the subject. What I would like them to understand is that there is no subject or object.. there is no here or there.. and there is no distance, no absence. I am always 'here' always holding everyone in my heart.

We, as humans, want to take those that we love into our arms, and embrace them, holding them close in an eternal embrace that will never change, and never end. We want to preserve the perfect moment for all time.

It would be nice if this were possible, but, when we embrace, and want to hold on to our loved one forever, it is also true that eventually; someone ALWAYS has to go to the bathroom!!

The upside is that we can always embrace again.

I wish you success in your practice.

New Year - Now what?

It is the first day of 2010, and we all have that 'clean new shiny empty canvass - and what are we going to do with it?' feeling...

For my part, I have come to believe that every single breath-moment is a brand new shiny canvass... and so, I am constantly doing my best (with mixed success, admittedly) to figure out what to do with the new moment.

If I have a New Year's resolution, it is this: Simplify.

That's all. Nothing else.

I don't want to add things... I want to carve them away... slough things off... like a new butterfly shakes off its cocoon...

I don't want to be concerned with 'things'... or 'programs' or 'plans'... I just want to live... completely... every moment.

I will continue to go through this house, and give away or sell off whatever I can manage to do without..

... and I will try to make the most out of whatever is left.

Here is to a wonderful 2010. I sincerely wish all of you and your families and loved ones the very best for this year, and the years to come.

May you be peaceful,
May you be happy,
May you be safe,
May you awaken to the light of your own true nature,
May you be Free!

In peace, brotherhood, humility, and loving-kindness...

Bu-Gohn

Winds and Tides..

I am finding it difficult to find a schedule that adequately allows time for me to train, to sit Zazen, to chant, to work, and to get done the myriad list of tasks which must be done in order for the household to continue to run smoothly.

Compounding this, is the fact that I am perpetually tired lately..

I tend to notice this feeling to some degree at least at each change of seasons... or, more accurately, at each solstice and equinox time.. I am not sure if it is actually a physical thing, or whether I subconsciously know that the time is coming, and create it without meaning to.... whatever the case, I *feel* it, and struggle with it... and it makes things difficult at times.

Rather than become frustrated, I am simply acknowledging that there are cycles within cycles, and I will give it a week or two to 'work its way out', or not, and then I will tighten up and get back on track with a stricter mindset.

Certainly, I intend to be back on an even footing for the 'Rohatsu' Sesshin time-frame.

As in most things, arranging time is a delicate and constantly-changing dance involving the intricate give and take that is called for when trying to manage very limited resources.

I think that doing that is beneficial in its own way, however, I must find and eliminate the 'dead space' in my day, and ensure that I can allot the proper time to my practice.. the time is in there *somewhere* - I just have to find a better method of not only managing my time, but of doing it without creating headaches for myself and others.

I have noticed in the past that these fragments of time where we are buffeted and blown by the winds and tides of daily life often last for a relatively short period, and then calm and order once again ensues.. but, sometimes I have to help a bit.

Just as we must breathe in and out in order to stay alive, we must expand and contract in other areas of our lives as well.

I will use this time of relaxation to organize and tighten up other facets of my life and surroundings so that when it is time to contract once again, and to begin exerting a tighter degree of effort and concentration, I will be ready.

This is all part of the practice, in any case... if it simply fell into place with no necessity to work at it.. it would be pointless.

And I'm Off!! (... like a herd of turtles!)

I have received a message indicating that my thesis proposal has been accepted, as is, and that I may proceed with the project.

To my *great* shock, I have one month to complete it. ( !!??!! )

One. (Somewhere along the line, I had gotten the insane idea that I had two years to complete this paper. ONE. MONTH. !

All questions of worthiness, topic, and nearly everything else have been set aside and I am working hard to get this done properly ... and within the time constraints set by the committee.

Many, many thanks to my long time Martial Arts training partner, fellow 'person of Scottish ancestry,' brother-in-arms, and friend of 24 years for pointing me in the proper direction, and helping me to rein in all of the unskillful thoughts so that I could step off immediately and get started with useful work... thereby avoiding the time wasting useless activity of casting about for some way to approach a very large question.

I (luckily) have a great deal of research data compiled that can be used to write this paper (this topic has long been of interest to me... and this is not the first such paper I have been called upon to write, so, at least I am somewhat ahead of the power curve on that part of it..!)

Now there is nothing left but to get to it!!

Thesis Proposal Statement

I have just completed and submitted my Thesis Proposal Statement to the Dan Promotion Examination Board's Thesis Committee Chair, and must now await their response.

I have pasted a modified version of the title page, which more or less outlines the proposed topic of my thesis. If it is approved, the clock (and the work!) will begin in earnest.

Although I honestly do not feel at all as though I am deserving of promotion to 7th Dan (whether physically, technically, emotionally, or otherwise... and I promise you that this is most definitely *not* false modesty, or self-effacing nonsense.. I really don't think that this is something that I am in any way prepared for...), that having been said, I suspect that stepping outside of my comfort zone, and facing something that I don't precisely fear, though I am very uncomfortable with, ('Jarred' by may be a more apt description of my feelings about it) is part of the learning process. A Martial Arts journey is a journey of discovery, and in most cases, a journey of self-discovery; and so - I have been given the task of preparing a thesis proposal statement, submitting it for consideration... and, if approved, of preparing a thesis approximately 35 pages in length which defends my proposal, or which adequately analyzes or explains my concept, theory, or argument.

I will do my best to submit a thesis that will meet or exceed the standards set for me. (My own personal feelings notwithstanding. I have my marching orders, and so I will do my best.) Whatever comes to pass, if I learn from the experience, it will be useful to me. Also, it will not be the first rank promotion that I knew I had to 'grow into', so, whatever the outcome, it will be good in the long run, I think.

Here is the modified title page (I have removed all identifying information, names, locations, etc., by request of my teachers - as this is a work in progress. I will not publish the completed thesis here, though I may paraphrase parts of it over the course of a few posts. The first order of business is, naturally, to actually write a thesis in the first place!! And, in order to do that, my proposal must be approved.. so, that is what I am now waiting for. Wish me luck!

THESIS PROPOSAL STATEMENT


‘Boep-Won-Am Ga Sam-Ak Soen-Bul Jang-Gwon-Do Hyup-Hoe’

(법원암가 삼악류파 선불 장권도 무술협회)

(法園庵家 三岳流派 禪佛 掌拳道 武術協會)

(The Dharma-Garden Hermitage School ‘Three Peaks’ Tradition, Zen Buddhist ‘Palm (Open Hand)/Fist Way’ Martial Arts Association)


An Expository Thesis Regarding the Process of Formulation of the Jang-Gwon-Do Ryu-Pa and its Utilization as an Adjunct Spiritual Refinement Zen Monastic Practice


Gwon-Sa V. Bu-Gohn Sunim, 6th Dan

November 2009

Thesis Committee

.......... Chair

Submitted as proposed thesis topic in partial fulfillment of the requirements
for the degree of 7th Dan, Boep-In

This work is copyrighted and may not be reproduced in whole or in part in any medium without the express permission of the author.

Day 50 - Getting Up to Speed

I am training (physically) on a daily basis (no excuses!!), and have begun 'palm' training once again, from the very beginning.

(I have decided to go back to 'square one' and go over everything with a fine-toothed comb to make sure that everything is as precise and as expertly done as is possible. I think it is a good practice to do this with most things from time to time... I often surprise myself at how much I think I know.. only to find out that facts have 'migrated' and things have slowly changed, gotten sloppy, or simply transformed into something other than what they should be.... so...

It is my plan to increase the difficulty of my training each week... by manipulating intensity, repetition, difficulty, or body position... while trying to keep the relative length of time more or less the same (Time is a resource, and I cannot stretch it... so I have to find skillful ways of working around that limitation...).

I think that the wisest way for me to proceed is to determine what is really the essence of my own personal martial arts practice or style... and what is not... meaning that, at the age of 50, it is not likely that I will see much progress in developing new skills, particularly in the realm of those skills requiring much more advanced levels of flexibility or agility than what I already possess. This is not to say that I cannot enhance my flexibility, my speed, my agility, and other attributes.. only that measurable change will most likely be slow, and not all that perceptible at this stage of the game. So, I must practice those skills that are most likely to be practical for me in the years to come, and spend less time on those which are not... or make a decision to set them aside.

Since time, as I have mentioned, is a resource, and one that is not controllable... it is best to use it wisely. So, my thought is to find those skills that I already have a relatively high-degree of skill in; and work the attributes needed for mastery of those skills to the point of being 'magical' - by which I mean that the vast majority of people would not believe such a skill level probable or even possible. Naturally, this is easier said than done... and will take an extraordinary amount of effort on my part.

My martial art is not 'artful' or 'elegant' to look at... it isn't particularly nice-looking... and, from a third person's perspective, to be honest, it doesn't really look as though I am doing very much... at least from what others have said to me. However, a person who plays with me often remarks on my ability to 'root' to the ground.. my power-generation skills (this is not the same as muscle strength... it is similar to the strength of a chair or other wedge-like prop set against a door to keep it from being opened possesses.) This type of power comes from fine-tuned body structure, a knowledge of angles... and superbly conditioned body-core muscles, tissues, and fascia (sitting here today... I can no longer claim to have such finely tuned core musculature... but, I am working on it and expect to see some amazing and measurable difference over the coming year or so.) As I have said.. I know that my martial abilities are not pleasing to look at.. but, I like to think that they have their uses for me. At the very least, it is a pleasing and interesting way for me to remain fit, agile, strong and flexible... or at least that is my hope.

The other abilities that intend to focus on are an ability to move my body from 'point A' to 'point b' with astonishing quickness... (this is partly physical.. and partly about knowing when and how to time the actual movement... and the inherent lack of 'lag time' which is a benefit of years of such training.... 'listening skills' - also known as 'contact sensitivity' - which is a specialty of my martial art; we learn to become extremely sensitive to contact pressure, and respond almost without thought. I have to fine tune this skill.. which may be problematic since I train alone... however, I will do the best that I can under the circumstances... timing and knowledge of anatomy are other skills that can be used to advantage, and, lastly, speed... speed is not simply speed, you see.. there is actual physical speed - the ability to physically move a limb or limbs from one point in space to another... there is mental speed.. the ability to perceive a stimulus, decide what to do, and put some plan into action... and there is what I will call 'perceived' speed... which is how one's movements appear to the opponent - and, believe it or not, this can be manipulated and used. This skill is primarily gained through knowledge, timing, and experience.. a facility with footwork, understanding of breathing, and the rhythm of body movements... how to use half and quarter beats to one's advantage, etc. - this last will be a trick to train alone also.. but, I have to work with the hand that I am dealt. My first goal is to get my body structure toned, tuned, and tight... everything else will fall into place afterward...

My Zen practice is strong and improving... and my general outlook.. my 'kibun' (mood, spirit, demeanor, etc.) is good. I am strong, becoming once more tenacious and tough-minded, and hope to see some fantastic improvement during the next few weeks and months.

I want to build a 'Gwon Go' (Makiwara in Japanese) which is a striking post... and I have a 'speed ball' that must be re-inflated and mounted for training. I need to come up with some method of training my hand and forearm strength (for gripping), and I am tossing around an idea of a stretching rope along the edge of my training surface so that I have something to hold onto when trying to increase my flexibility.. but, perhaps that is something that will just become extraneous once my flexibility improves... I will hold off on that for now.

I am pleasantly tired, my hands hurt .. but in a 'good' way (it isn't the heat.. its the humidity! HA!), and I must be getting ready to go to work.

Things are going as planned.. with the only sticking point being that I am still digging in my heels and claws at the thought of naming this conglomeration that I practice, and calling it a 'system' or 'style' - it just doesn't seem to be something that I am skillful or knowledgeable enough to do... it is much, much bigger than I am... however, my preceptor will have none of it... and I have been told in no uncertain terms that nobody ever feels ready or skillful enough, or knowledgeable enough.. in fact, I was reminded that the Buddha himself did not feel comfortable with teaching what he had awakened to for much the same reasons....

This doesn't really help me at all. I still feel like a great big fraud even considering it... so... I am dragging my feet... stalling.. and finding stupid excuses to shift my attention to other things. They haven't set a time limit on me so far to submit a topic... though I feel as though I have been neatly boxed in and more or less fed the topic that I should choose...

Someone suggested to me last night that no matter what topic would have made me most uncomfortable, that is most likely what they would have tried to urge me to do my thesis on... so, perhaps there is something to that... and the exercise isn't at all about the topic, but about my own pre-conceived notions and opinions surrounding that topic.

Somehow, knowing that, or considering that intellectually isn't doing a bloody thing to melt the ball of ice in my guts when I actually consider submitting such a paper to my teachers... I just hate this.

I will have to face it and just do it. But, not today. Today I must go to work.

.. with palms joined.

Day 47 - Baby Steps

In the short time that I have been getting settled into this '1000 Days of Ferocious Effort' practice, I have taken some strides, made some progress, and am beginning to see some results. I continue to direct my practice in new directions, and hope to accomplish a more comprehensive unification of mind, body, and spirit during this practice, which is beginning to enter its 'heart' phase (as opposed to gently becoming acclimatized to the practice over the first 50 days or so...).

I have lost perhaps 32 pounds since beginning this practice, chiefly through the simple expedient of eating a more healthy diet... or, more accurately, by cutting unhealthy foods out of my diet. I am hoping to lose perhaps another 50 pounds or so over the next few years... but, we shall see how that goes.

Since I have taken off a decent amount of extra body-weight, I have begun to turn my efforts towards a more stringent daily martial arts practice regimen.

It is often said that when a student wishes to learn, a teacher appears... and that when one door closes, another opens.... and in keeping with such synchronicity, I was notified during the first week of November that I have passed the 'time in grade' requirements and am now being actively considered for promotion to 7th Dan by the martial arts association of my old order (The physical testing for this grade has already been successfully accomplished, but, as I am not able to travel to Korea frequently (i.e., at all!), I have a more lengthy time in rank requirement that must be completed. In any case, I have been advised that I have a Thesis/Dissertation/Practicum Requirement which must not be successfully completed, and then I will be either promoted, or passed over until next time the committee decides to consider me. (This last hurdle being a thesis ("only 21,950 words in length.. meep!!) which I must write and submit.. it is a somewhat convoluted and lengthy process, but, I think it serves to make me value the promotion all the more due to the difficulty. The process is multi-faceted, as follows (for those few... or one... or none! who care... pllpt!!):

• First I must decide on a research topic, which is relevant to my training and knowledge, and which (according to my preceptor) should also be a topic which I am capable of researching depending upon what resources are readily available to me .. (good advice!) - I have been told perhaps 900 times that I should take my time in considering this, and that often, a thesis either lives or dies depending upon the wisdom or lack thereof of this crucial initial phase.


• Next, I must decide what type of thesis paper I shall decide to write, from the following three basic types:

1. An analytical paper breaks down an issue or an idea into its component parts, evaluates the issue or idea, and presents this breakdown and evaluation to the audience.


2. An expository (explanatory) paper explains something to the audience.


3. An argumentative paper makes a claim about a topic and justifies this claim with specific evidence. The claim could be an opinion, a policy proposal, an evaluation, a cause-and-effect statement, or an interpretation. The goal of the argumentative paper is to convince the audience that the claim is true based on the evidence provided.

• Once I have decided upon a topic of research, I must present a Thesis Statement and submit it to my committee for approval. If it is approved, I move on and commence my research, and if it is not... back to the 'drawing board'.


• If I am approved to move on, the next steps, once my research is completed... or, perhaps, concurrently with my research, are the following;

1. Manuscript Preparation


2. Committee approval of the manuscript


3. Independent research competence


4. Submission of the final draft of the thesis

• FINAL THESIS DEFENSE


• Phase I: The candidate will make a formal presentation of the research.


• Phase II: The candidate will be questioned by the committee.


• Phase III: After completion of the formal presentation phases, the Examining Committee will vote on the results of the Final Thesis Defense. With no more than one dissenting vote, one of five possible results of the defense will be reported:

1. passed and thesis accepted


2. passed and thesis accepted pending specified revisions


3. second defense required, but thesis accepted or accepted with specified revisions


4. major revisions of the thesis and a second defense required, or
   Defense failed, thesis not accepted and the committee recommends dismissal from the program

• if the committee cannot reach agreement on one of the options, then the candidate will have failed the defense and the thesis will not be accepted.

So... my work is cut out for me. I am still casting about and trying to decide on a specific, definitive, and doable topic so that I have some likelihood of actually being successful. Honestly, the promotion isn't nearly as important to me as is my not embarrassing my teachers by poor performance or shabby work... so... that is my main concern. I just want to do well and make an honorable showing. If I can do that, I will view it as a success.... in any case, I seldom wear a rank belt when I train, and when I do, I prefer my raggedy old white belt. So... I suppose I should view such a thing with more respect... I will have to work on that.

In the conversations that I have had with my preceptor/mentor regarding the thesis subject, as well as with some of the other members of the martial arts training department, I have noticed a repeated and somewhat strong urging for me to follow a convention which makes me somewhat uncomfortable;

Essentially, at this stage of my training, I am expected to take everything that I have learned throughout my martial arts career and present it in such a fashion that I can show, definitively, that it has become entirely internalized and my own... rather than simply a parroted, carbon-copy of what I have been taught.

The point that has been made, by at least four different relatively eminent teachers of mine, over and over, is that since I have studied under different teachers... and have therefore become, more or less, a converging point for various 'streams' of teaching, it is time for me to compile what I have learned, distill it into a digestible and transmittable format, and present this final product back to my teachers..

(hopefully without inadvertently... or 'vertently?' offending...)

To make my anguish, extreme discomfort and angst all the more intense, I have been more or less told that I should name this conglomeration of learning and practice of mine to distinguish it from all that came before. So I have to put a name to whatever it is that I do, and am likely to teach... (were I to teach.. which I do not... so it all strikes me as rather pointless.. but, still.. there is sits. Plap!!)

(Are any of you getting the fact that I am extremely uncomfortable with this?? It is *much* too big for the likes of me... I would prefer to NOT do this... however.. it seems to be a concerted effort to strongly suggest and reiterate that I DO!!).

I must grudgingly admit here that by insisting that I step outside of my 'comfort zone' and directly face *precisely* what I would rather choose to avoid, my teachers are doing exactly what they should be doing, and helping me to expand my horizons, and improve my capabilities.. not just as a student, or as a monk... but as a person. So.. there is that. I have learned that in these cases, even though it goes against my grain, it is generally wisest for me to place my trust in my teacher's judgment, and fling myself out into space... knowing that I will come out of it okay, and perhaps even stronger and better, if somewhat dinged up and bruised.. in the long run. So, I will do my best to put that into practice. (sigh).

So. It is looking as though I will have to write an expository paper on my own interpretation or 'style' if you will, of everything that I have studied, learned, and more likely forgotten!! over the past 46 odd years of training.

I made a futile attempt at wriggling out of this and re-directing the tacit approval of my mentors to some other topic, by explaining that I didn't feel at all comfortable in giving what I practice a name.. feeling that it would tend to inflate my ego, which, by way of my Zen practice, I am constantly trying (with mixed results) to dissolve... and would, therefore, be pulling fruitlessly in two distinctly opposite directions.

(I was feeling rather pleased with myself for coming up with this particular angle of argument... and rather thought that I had nicely sewn up the issue and would be directed to undertake some other more palatable subject for my assignment... but, as things things have a tendency to do... at least in my life... it blew up in my face, naturally, when my mentor blithely offered to designate my home a 'hermitage' and give it a name (which I would then consecrate it with... ) and which would then enable me to simply call my 'system' or 'art' or 'style' the 'Such and Such Hermitage Form of Boxing', much like, as my mentor cited, the Martial Art taught at the Shaolin Temple is known as, curiously, and (to me) somewhat spitefully, under the present circumstances; 'Shaolin Temple Boxing'. (Fwshsht!!).

Having been superbly outclassed by this point, I had no suitable reply to this, and so graciously thanked him for his wonderful suggestion, and closed down Skype with several sub-vocal mutterings.

Late last night, I received a message designating my home as '법 원 암' (Boep-Won-Ahm)(Boep rhymes with 'pup' and Won rhymes with 'one' or 'fun') - which translates as 'Dharma Garden Hermitage' (the Chinese would be written as;

法 園 庵

, and would be pronounced, roughly 'Fa-Yun-Ahn' in Chinese (Mandarin), and in Japanese as 'Ho-En-Ahn'.

I must now make or commission a sign to display, write a charter, and conduct a small ceremony to officially designate (I suppose christen or consecrate could be used here, but, in Zen, we don't really use such terms...) this place as an officially recognized and designated hermitage. It was explained that the essence of a garden is to plant and nurture something. So, Dharma Garden is a place where the Dharma (what the Buddha taught) is to be planted, nurtured, and, with proper effort, brought to fruition.) As it turns out, I am quite pleased with my home now being an official hermitage... for some reason, I feel good about that. I am happy! (I also feel that I must approach my practice with more diligence!!)

So, it is looking as though I may very likely be writing an expository thesis on what will be known as Boep-Won-Am Soen-Mu-Do or Boep-Won-Am Gwon-Boep (Dharma Garden Hermitage Zen Martial Way, or Dharma Garden Hermitage Boxing, respectively... I am not settled on either of these...or, honestly, on this topic.. but, it is a start.)

I must go back to square one of my training and methodically go through everything I have ever learned, tightening, tweaking, cataloging, and, more to the point, discarding whatever is truly non-essential. So, if this is what I am to do.. I will have to begin, and soon!! I have a time limit which must be met (once the topic of my thesis has been approved, the clock starts)... so the pressure is definitely on!

As for improving my own personal training, I have taken down my 묵인충 'Mook-In-Ch'oong'*, re-engineered the stand that built for it, and re-installed it.

*note: (Chinese 'Mook-Yan-Jong'):

木人樁

木 (its a picture of a tree!) mook = 'wood, wooden'.
人 (man! two legs!) yan= man, person, human.
樁 jong= literally 'post' but usually translated as 'dummy'


I also built an 8 foot long by 6 foot wide brick training platform/patio in order to be able to train in all types of weather (it is a morass for days in that corner when it rains... and I find that I succumb to the preference for not standing ankle-deep in cold slimy water... and, consequently.. do not train... which is bad!)


I am in the process of constructing a stand which I shall use to re-commence (Korean: 철장공 'Ch'ul-Jang-Gong'{Iron Palm Training})

鐵掌功

In Chinese it is written the same, but has a different pronunciation:

铁掌功

This training consists of 'dropping' the hand repeatedly (dropping.. not hitting!) onto a canvas bag filled, at first with mung beans... and after some months with a mixture of mung beans and rice, rice, mung beans and round gravel... and finally mung beans and oil-free, lead-free, chrome-free and dust-free steel shot. Hitting the bag with tension can transfer the shock to the heart, causing damage... hitting the tips of the fingers can cause eye damage... so... it is, perhaps counter-intuitively, a practice of hitting with a relaxed arm... and coordinating specific breathing exercises.... slowly increasing the repetitions... and finally, washing/treating the hands an hour after each training session with a specially produced liniment for the hands called 질타주 'Jihl-T'a-Ju' (Chinese: 'Dit-Da-Jow')

跌打酒

which literally translates into English as 'Stumble-Hit Wine'.


Between regular calisthenic, flexibility and Martial exercises, combined with my training on the Wooden Dummy (to tighten and tune my structure), Iron-Palm training.. (also to fine-tune structure... along with breathing.. and, of course, striking ability..), as well as 기공 'Ki-Gong' (Chinese: 'Chi-Gong' or 'Qi-Gong')

氣功

By these methods, at least to start, I hope to better strengthen my body, strengthen my spirit and resolve, and integrate both with my intellectual-mind, which is, in essence, the goal of this 'Ferocious Effort' practice...

Once I begin to see results, physically speaking, I will incrementally increase the degree of difficulty, as well as, perhaps, the frequency of my training. Hopefully, this will help me to lose more fat, and tighten and tone, if not build, lean muscle mass.


In other facets of my life, I have been given my Zen teacher's 'seal of approval' as 'Ino' or 'chant-master' (curiously; 'Ino' used to be the monk in charge of the various work details... and the 'chant-master' was known as the 'Densu'. Nowadays, however, we call the 'chant-master' 'Ino', and the Densu is in charge of maintaining the Zendo, and taking care of the facilities... as well as some other tasks, such as waking the other monks in the morning - I don't know how or why this has changed; only that it has!).

So, I am seeing changes, hopefully for the better, and hope to continue improving over time.


... with palms joined.